Happy Holidays!

I'm very excited, I finally composed and recorded some of my music and put it together in a movie for my friends and family to enjoy. I hope you enjoy these, the first, I'm playing Silent Night and the second I'm playing my composed piece "March of the Fairies" which features most of my own fairy artwork within the past couple years!

Enjoy! And Merry Giftmas!

Dolphin Encounter

I just got back from Mexico and the highlight of my trip was not only my brother-in-law's/friend's wedding, but also my encounter with the dolphins. Two videos turned out pretty good, but it doesn't even cover half of what was going on with these mammal-fishies!

In the first video, ignore my dolphin-baby-talk and also the ladies next to me were doing plenty of it in Spanish...but you can hear the dolphin clicking and squeaking and talking to us! The dolphin hung out in this corner for a good hour or so!

In the second video, the dolphin does a unique call to his friends (and even a random dog shows up because he knows somethings up!) and they all swim by to greet me! I almost started to cry because it was so beautiful. After this, I decided to see if this experience was for me and moved slowly down the pier and noticed that they started to follow me. Dolphins love to play and I decided to race them to the other side of the pier and back. We did this around FOUR times! People were staring at me, as if I knew how to do this...but I just went with my instincts. This was simply amazing and was recognition to me of how far I've come on my spiritual journey through life.

I swear they are telepathic because they knew when it was time for me to go, three or four of them slowly swam by me in a group and I felt like they said "bye bye"! And then I didn't see much of them after that. How sweet! Wonder what it would be like if I brought my harp and played for them. Squeak!

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to!

 An angel playing a pretend prelude on a prelude harp with a prelude demeanor.

Halloween came and it went, and unfortunately, I didn't get to wear my costume to the adult party this year. So I decided to dress up for Halloween night and pass out candy. I even got a couple boys returning and asking my husband "Where is your daughter...you know, the angel? We didn't come for candy again, we just wanted to see her"

Haha! Kid stalkers!
Yeah, my poor hubs. Feels rather old-ish from that encounter.

I had a dream Wednesday night that I was in a waiting room at a hospital and it was filled with sick kids, kids with cancer, kids that were crying and in pain. I was observing them. I wasn't a harpist in my dream or providing therapy, and it broke my heart because I could not stand seeing them in pain.

Well, Thursday, I'm volunteering and setting up and looking for a chair (I am always looking for a chair now that I broke that little stool!) I grabbed a chair next to a family and the young Mother was holding her son, who did not have hair and was probably awaiting a procedure. He was fast asleep. He was probably 5 years old.

Anyway, he started to cry shortly after I started to play. I quickly remembered how we were taught to find the tone of the patient's cry or moan and match it. This helps to establish that "WE HEAR YOU!" and it is acknowledgment from us on their behalf that they are scared, in pain, or just wanting to be heard. I managed to find the tone (which was E minor) and played the basic chord, sometimes switching and harmonizing. They proceeded to carry the child past me and I kept playing those notes. He then went into the treatment room. The mother came out and I asked her if he was ok and she mentioned something about him falling asleep again...rather quickly.

I have no idea if my chords and tone-matching were working for him, but it was kind of strange with how that connected with my dream only the night before and also provided me an opportunity to practice my technique we learned at school.

Releasing Fear Part II

 (Releasing fear always helps with a light sword and dark hood)

"Astral Warrior" some of my fractal art...

I have had a request from a colleague to explain how I released this specific fear (performance in front of others) and I decided to do a blog post on this and releasing fear in general.

I may have released fear with performing with my harp...but a HUGE hurdle is ahead of me for releasing my fear of Speaking My Truth. At harp school in Vermont, it suddenly became known to me that I do not like the way my voice sounds...because I was not speaking my truth and I felt I was being untrue to myself for the sake of not offending others (done this all my life).

I hope that I can use this blog to Speak My Truth...but I hesitate because the timing is not quite right...but it will happen (on this blog or another) and it's a necessary step I must take with my personal growth.

Releasing Performance Fear

The best advice I can give about this is that, I think you will always feel nervous or your heart will beat faster, but there will be a moment of SURRENDER that you finally feel in front of others while playing your instrument. And I'm not talking about bladder control...

I practiced first, by really imagining my living room filled with strangers as I practiced my harp. Play with the window open. I tried to play in front of friends when I could.

I had the fortunate ability to develop about 20 minutes of music I could play from memory. Most of this music was self-composed, improv, and Melissa's Circle. Arpeggios and playing in Angel Mode (Pentatonic Scale) was also helpful.

I was so nervous the first time playing in the hospital. It took me probably more than several weeks to finally actually think about playing therapeutically. Since I was concentrating so much on my performance and other's reactions.

I noticed that nobody noticed when I made a mistake. I used this to my advantage. I learned how to fake it. To play through the mistake without shaky hands, weird facial expression, and abrupt stopping. Of course, I learned how to do this by doing all the above and feeling quite embarrassed. Realizing, I was only making it worse for myself.

Have you ever watched a performance, where you knew the performer had made a slip-up and continued on as if nothing ever happened? She was still confident, her slip-up didn't make more slip-ups because she was focusing on the slip-up. You know what I mean...

I was determined to become that confident girl who was totally faking it!

At the start of playing in front of 150 people, I felt nervous and a little fear. I was relieved because it did not look like a stage with a spot light on me. I could look at a spot in front of me that helped me not to focus on the audience. Then I let myself go and surrendered to the music. I was then able to physically feel my passion, love, and intent moving through my body and coming out through the instrument. This was a huge moment for me. I did it!

Releasing fear in general

Overcoming one fear can help with the next fear. However, with that being said...I cannot give a great explanation on how to do this because I only could do this through my spiritual growth process. This will be individually different for everyone. I am one of those that has had to grow quickly in order to fully express what I came here to do. It wasn't until certain Earthly events, galactic alignments, body changes, spiritual changes...and just good ol' timing, that I have finally been able to release fear in a general sense. With the one last hurdle being...speaking my truth.

When you're not busy fearing...you free up so much space in your thoughts, that you can focus on peace. I am feeling this peace. And it has led to a bunch of "I could care less" statements and letting things roll off my back. I have released much attachment to outcomes, people, situations. It all doesn't really matter anymore how it used to.

Releasing fear allows for more of your true self and soul to shine through. People become naturally drawn to you. Your music improves. You feel like you have just as much right to take up space on the sidewalk and you don't move aside for someone who is coming into your path. The creepy guy next to you in the elevator...you don't fear him...you just observe him. Silly little fears like that...take up so much of your energy. Release as you go and realize, how silly that I am feeling fear over that!

Hope this helps...

Releasing Fear

 (Image I saw while meditating. This artist captured it perfectly!)

I can't believe it's been more than a month since my last post! Much has happened and October has flown by just as fast as the bowl of nearby candy corn.

My biggest accomplishment is releasing FEAR. I played in front of at least 100-150 people twice this past week or so and it was amazing to finally embrace my own power and intention while playing. People can even talk to me and it doesn't disturb me as much. Music blown off the music stand...not a problem.

I'm still trying to establish bringing in more harpists into the hospital because the demand is growing. It seems I'm sensing the fear that no department really wants to be "responsible" for this. I'm giving this hospital an opportunity, but I'm also fine with moving on to another venue if it resonates like a harp string and is welcomed with opened wallets...I mean arms.

Random elevator hospital observations: apparently there are parents more than willing to sacrifice their children in strollers to the elevator gods.

And on a serious note: there is change in the air. Can you feel it? Stuff is happening, Earth changes. 11.11.11 should be a fun date to meditate on. However, I am playing for the Veteran's Day service at the hospital and somehow they want me to do a rendition of Taps on my harp (which is traditionally done with a bugle). My military-employed husband raises his eyebrow at this one...

Did I just make a mistake?

Why yes, yes I did! TONS of them.

It's all about learning how to look like you didn't make them! And I'm learning fast. Heh.
So much "stuff" has happened since my last post and most of it I can't even talk about...blah!
I have to resort to the confidentiality nutshell.

Nutshell version - harp program was in line to become no more.
Enter HEROine. Stage left. Trying to save harp program.
Opened doors to a profitable future, or just volunteered her life away.

*CONCLUSION STILL TO COME!*

Deeper more insightful version - destruction is sometimes needed to bring out something new and beautiful. Something even better, that opens doors and provides more opportunities than before. And still provides free parking and a meal ticket.

Regardless, this HEROine's mission is to.....

Funny updates since last post: the stool broke as I was about to sit on it and start to play. I heard the warning "Your butt has exceeded the weight limit..." (just kidding)

Everyone saw it. I bounced back ninja style and acted like it was nothing and to get me another chair. Woman behind desk offers me her rolly chair. I cannot play harp using a rolly chair silly! So I kept asking for one of the chairs that has four sturdy legs, at least 75 around me...in the room. I get deer-in-headlights reaction. Finally, random business guy, just brings me over a chair. *rolls eyes*

Older couple sitting together saw that I was coming in to play and he went over to me and flashed me. What is it about my getting flashed or mooned! No...he really just did a superman open-his-jacket move and showed me his shirt.

"GOTTA HAVE MUSIC EVERYWHERE OTHERWISE I'D B FLAT!"

Somebody, please get me that T-shirt.

What is willing to meet you?

 Fall Fashion Week for Hospital Masks. Nothing has changed this year.

Ugh. Flu shots. Not a fan. Usually, hospital settings require employees and volunteers to get flu shots, or give an alternative of wearing a mask. So be prepared! Those masks can be annoying and I'm sure it would pass for Halloween and the month of October, but I really didn't want to wear that thing for 6 months. I don't whiten my teeth for nothing!

So what's up with the blog title? It's actually a sort of mantra that IHTP uses when asking yourself "What is willing to meet me?" when you are in a harp therapist role. So I did this yesterday, and sometimes found my feet taking me to the outdoor setting that I hadn't played at yet. Or, I got a feeling to follow this lady to the waiting room and play there.

Even while I'm playing, I'm constantly thinking..."Is that enough? Should I move on? I've got 4 other places to be at!" but no, I stayed where I was, and then finished my session for the day. I need to listen to these hunches and use my intuition and not be worried if I didn't play for the lady in the restroom.

CHALLENGE: One of the volunteers in the hospital loves to come up and chat with me while I'm playing and HOVER. I cannot stand hovering. I know I will eventually get used to it, but seeing her over-drawn pink lipstick is just too close. I felt the stress bunch up in my body...and it was a challenge to let it go and get over my "Ack she is analyzing my hand position!" thoughts. (Edit: she has actually become one of my biggest supporters now and I don't mind the hovering one bit...)

INVISIBLE: I have noticed that there are certain types of people that are just not on the same wavelength as the harp or the music. In large hallways, they don't even notice or look at the harp as it passes by them. They don't stop to hear the music. I can feel their self-absorbed-ness regarding work, stress, and their lives. It is true that mostly children and the elderly are most responsive...but I can tell the ones that it does reach even if they don't want to bother me. Like the random black guy who did a pirouette by me.

CRAVING: Chocolate and bedside harp playing. Both at the same time is fine with me. I can tell that my playing in waiting rooms is not satisfying my bedside harp therapy needs. I'm not sure when the hospital will allow me to do this just yet, so I want to look into volunteering at a hospice. I'll keep you updated.

WINGS: What's up with everyone wanting me to wear wings in the hospital? I mean, fine for Halloween, but yeah...what are your thoughts on this? Is it too "Oh please, she thinks she's an angel!" or "Haha, that's funny, but it's not Halloween."

Key of F-ind me a name!

I need your help! I have two songs on the 9-11 service video that I composed without names. Both are in the Key of F. Finding names for songs can be a frustrating but fun process. They don't have to start with an "F", because, all I can think of with "F" songs are bad words and names of food. Friggin' Flapjacks, just isn't going to cut it! Please leave a comment with any fantastic, fabulous suggestions you may have!

P.S. Forgive the video quality.

911 Gig

"March of the Fairies" (a piece I composed and played at today's "9/11" service)

Today was my first real gig...playing for a 9/11 memorial service at the hospital. I can't believe it's been 10 years since that day.

I'd like to thank my harp teacher and mentor for helping me get this opportunity and preparing for it properly! It's interesting that I have met certain people at exact times when I needed help, for example, my badge didn't work to open the door this morning and the right person came at the right time to help me get the harp so I could play at the service (I brought my therapy harp just in case this might happen!)

I'd also like to thank my husband for taking the video footage and helping haul around all my stuff. And with the recommendation of my harp teacher, he took "helping me practice with distraction" to the next level. He may or may not have used such methods like blowing a can of air in my face or a brief, subtle, mooning.

Regardless, the distraction practice helped me stay focused while a photographer went around taking pictures of me with the flash on. And by flash, I mean the camera...she didn't actually take it upon herself to moon me. But hey, I was prepared for anything!

Stay tuned for more videos!

Sakura Arigato!

My own digital art, "Cherry Blossoms"

I finally had my first experience where a patient recognized a familiar song: Sakura (means Cherry Blossoms) in Japanese. However, the conversation started out very awkward, because I'm still mastering the art of talking and playing at the same time.

An older Japanese guy came by and said "Arigato!" and what did I do? Totally caught off guard, I said "Arigato" back (then realized I probably just repeated what he said, not replied). Worst of all, I did that horrible silly cliché of an Asian bow! I felt like I wanted to run to the nearest wall and throw my head against it repeating "Arigato! Arigato! No, no , no!"

THEN, when he wanted to make sure the name of the song was what I was playing, I said, "Oh yeah, Suo Gan!" (a Welsh lullaby) and then he said "No, Sakura!" and then a repeat of said head-to-wall contact would have been appropriate after that as well. Sakura is one of the first songs I learned. I should know better!

But when one is playing the harp and la-de-dahing away, sometimes language doesn't kick in so well, and then goes the memory...

Best of all, today I got to see an old lady tippy-toe dance past me and flutter her arm-wings as she went by. Probably better to see her doing that, than this guy:

The Back Knobbler

 

I suffer from horrible shoulder/scapular pain that radiates down my spine on the right side and into the neck area. After playing the harp (especially in a bad position) the pain is so bad that I have to stop. Then I take some pain medication because the burning continues for hours and into the next day. Oh and it also likes to seize up and I can't move my neck for a scary minute.

The knot back there just gathers all my stress and puts it there for safe keeping, I guess. So I recently bought The Back Knobbler after reading some reviews that scored high. This thing is awesome and I could use it for 10 minutes several times a day without my arms getting tired!

Internship ahoy!

I thought I would post about my first couple of days playing harp at a prominent hospital. This hospital does not have a residential harpist (aka PAID harpist) yet. I hope to find some type of funding or a grant to help establish playing the harp there, so that the hospital can be just like the other hospitals...with a paid harpist. No hospital left behind!

But for now, I am a volunteer and working on completing my required 80 hours of internship in a hospital setting. So here are a couple things I've learned so far:

• Wow, it's pretty exhausting. I feel like I'm a ball of energy being drained slowly throughout the day. I need to learn to properly shield and center myself.
• I will not accept candy from strangers hovering over the harp.
• There seems to be a rebellious string in the upper octaves. I got a standing ovation for tuning in front of a patient. Why perform, when I can just tune!
• Take your free lunch voucher, every time. Even if the chicken salad sandwich has a bone in it.
• I'm already getting tired of my "regular" music I play by memory and I'm only on day 2. Better add in some new tunes stat!
• Wished I would have thought of something better to say than "nice hat" to a patient with no hair today. Oh well.

This is just a couple things that happen in one day. I played for 3 hours straight and I probably should have napped on a patient's bed in between relocating to another floor or waiting room (just kidding). 

Something happened today, that emotionally affected me already! A girl my age (30's) was coming out from her appointment and walked right past her husband. He realized this, was a bit stunned, and went after her. I watched as she broke down and cried in the hallway. I could only imagine the news she just received regarding her condition. :(

Again, I'm realizing that it's important to observe these incidents and provide appropriate music, or no music.

Welcome!

Welcome to my harp therapy blog. I hope to share some wonderful experiences that happen along the way as I become officially certified as a harp therapist in the International Harp Therapy program (next Spring, hopefully!)

As a harp therapist in training, I searched for other blogs written by other potential harpists or students, but they were hard to find. I hope that this journal will help those that are interested in taking this path, and give a real insightful look into the joys and struggles of making it as a harp therapist. I also hope to share my spiritual experiences along the way.

Part of my required reading for school includes shared experiences from other harp therapists, and their experiences are like angel-crack for me...I gotta have more! As an earth-angel-in-training, sometimes I swear and I like to be sarcastic with a side of pop-culture.  You don't wanna know how many times I swore while getting my parking ticket validated at the hospital today. It only took 4 times!

Anyway, looking forward to posting in the future (ok, ok right after this I'm doing another post) and having you all with me!